Once again
by Icha Icha Yaoi Paradise
Summary: No one is perfect, everyone needs to learn and grow. She wasn't any different, in fact she felt like she didn't deserve this chance. But she was going to use it, so that she could become someone better. A realistic Self-insert about a second chance. Slash but not romance centered.


**An: **_This is a very realistic Self-insert OC so the person is not going to be perfect, but this story is not only about someone being put into an animeverse, but about _changing_ to a better person and _learning_ from your mistakes. _

**Warnings: **_Self-insert OC, SLASH Pairing later on, some AU._

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.**

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_No single thing is perfect by itself. That's why we're born to attract other things to make up for what we lack. I think we start walking the right direction only after we start getting our couterparts beside us._ **-Itachi Uchiha, Naruto.**

* * *

**Childhood Arc**

* * *

The funny thing about life is, you think that you have all the time in the world. Getting older seems to take forever and a half, and you keep looking forward to being old enough to do 'adult things'.

But as my Uncle used to say; Life is short, and then you die.

Unfortunately for me, that couldn't be closer to the truth.

* * *

I grew up like any normal child, with a loving mother and father, we lived in a nice house and were relatively well off with money. I didn't have to worry about if I was going to eat that day or surviving the cold winters, in fact as the only child I was rather spoiled. Which I have to truthfully say, delighted me. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy having his/her own toys and not having to share? Back then I looked at the other children with siblings and didn't feel lonely at all, in fact I felt bad for them. Most younger siblings I had met where whiny and annoying, so I wasn't going to be asking for a 'playmate' any time soon.

Basically I wanted my parents to myself and wasn't keen to sharing.

It's obvious that my lifestyle never prepared me for the harsh reality of the world, my parents were content with keeping anything 'dangerous' far away from me, so I never new what the _real _world was like. But that changed when a drunk driver crashed into my parents car on their way back home, leaving me waiting eagerly for the parents that I would never see again.

After that my life changed, and not for the better. The only relative that was able to take care of me was my Uncle, a cold man with even colder eyes, and he successfully tore me from the dream I was living without mercy.

As a teenager the abrupt change was unwelcome, I was used to getting everything I wanted when I wanted it. I was used to having someone coo and cuddle me like a baby and tell me how beautiful I was. My Uncle only laughed and told me to deal with it, that he wasn't his brother and I wasn't going to be babied anytime soon.

We fought, though it was always one-sided seeing that my Uncle won within seconds. I tried to rebel, he quickly showed me that dying my hair meant that I didn't need hair at all and piercings were easily 'accidentally' torn out in our fights. Everything I did to push him away, try to form my life into something that was similar to what I once had, he ripped it down and showed me what 'real' people did.

It took a few years, but I soon realized how naïve I was, and I couldn't have been more ashamed. I realized why I didn't have any friends, why my Uncle was so harsh when preparing me for the world.

Like Mikasa Ackerman said; _Only the victors are allowed to live. This world is merciless like that._

Before I was fully able to change how I was, to make myself a better person, my life ended in the same way my parents did. My death wasn't quick though, and I spent three weeks in the hospital comatose until I finally gave up.

My Uncle was there by my side, and I swear I saw him crying as my heart finally gave up. It made me feel guilty since I knew that he was watching the last of his family slip away, I felt like I didn't deserve his tears. I was a bitch to everyone until just a few years ago, and I cursed myself for not realizing that sooner.

_I wish I was a better person. Then at least my Uncle wouldn't have had to deal with my atrocious attitude all these years..._

_...Please God, make sure he's happy and well taken care of..._

* * *

Death felt like nothing.

I didn't see my parents standing in the bright light, or hear any angels singing. I just felt _nothing._ A black empty nothingness that couldn't be filled, I couldn't hear anything, even my own breathing was muted.

_Perhaps this is hell._

No fiery torture or devils poking me with sticks... It was just me.

And perhaps that is what made it worse then eternal pain, the feeling of being a single being in a black void was terrifying. There was no one around, near, or even far, my vision was gone and I was deaf. I didn't even feel _alive. _I don't know how long I stayed there, not that I had much choice in where I was, it was as if someone had chained me down and drugged me so that I couldn't move.

Was I going to be forced to stay here forever? Was this my punishment for treating life like a toy? If it was... then I would accept it. Perhaps if I had died a few years ago my reaction would have been different, I would have been pleading for someone to save me, to hold me and never let go. Now though, with my newly opened eyes, I understood that this is what happened when you acted like I had.

Still... I hoped that I didn't have to stay here for eternity.

* * *

There were times when I lost consciousness when my body seemed to have suddenly have lost all of it's energy and just shut down. I soon learned to hate those times, because that was when I dreamed.

_{Dream}_

_I sneered at the girl cowering on the floor, her head bent low as sniffs and sobs escaped her. She was a mess, her hair looked like she was electrocuted and her clothes were nearly falling off her body._

_"Do you know how pathetic you are?" I drawled looking down at her with distaste. "Do you even shower? I mean you _stink_." _

_Mary sniggered beside me, flipping her bleach blonde hair. "I bet she doesn't even was her hands." _

_The girl hiccupped, her hands clenching in her large clothes. "T-that's n-not t-true..." She whispered pathetically, turning her face up to stare at us with a red blotched face. "I-I d-do w-wash..."_

_Jackie smiled brightly, her smile not matching the sadistic glee that shone in her eyes. "Liar~." She sang, tilting her head to look at the girl. "I bet your family doesn't even have enough money to pay the water bills~."_

_"You're probably right Jackie." I agreed scanning my nails for any imperfection. They looked beautiful, as usual. "Not that a shower would do her any good, she'd still look hideous."_

_Mary giggled in delight. "Like a drowned rat."_

_The girls eyes widened at the insults before closing as a new trail of tears fell down her face. "I-I..."_

_I raised an eyebrow, looking down my nose at her. "Yes?"_

_"You don't look any better!" She suddenly shouted, making us all jump. I stared at her flabbergasted at the sudden outburst._

_"E-excuse me?!" I sputtered my face flaming. "How-How dare you?!" __The girl glared up at me, her eyes suddenly fierce. "I'd rather look like a rat then have your rotten personality. I wouldn't ever want to be such a cold hearted, cruel person like you!"_

_It was silent in the bathroom and I searched for something to say back to her, the sudden change in personality was startling and not something I had ever expected from someone like her. I looked to my friends for guidance, only to see them covering their mouths as they snickered. My heart froze at their looks of mirth, they didn't even seem bothered that the girl had insulted me._

_"I'd rather be the ugliest person on earth then be you." The girl continued, and I slowly turned toward her, my eyes wide. "Then at least I would know that unlike you, I accomplished something in my life instead of using my parents to get whatever I wanted."_

_{Dream}_

When I finally awoke I wanted to cry, not for me though, but for the girl.

_How could I have been such an ugly person?_

In the end the girl was right, she ended up running a successful business and marrying a gorgeous man while I ended up dead.

* * *

Not everyone is perfect, people make mistakes and learn from them, they become better people. I was never especially smart so it took me a while until I understood that I too was supposed to become a better person.

I took too long, and now I was sure that this void was where I was going to stay forever.

Who knew how long I had been here. Months? Years? Or maybe just minutes. To me though I felt like I had never not been here, that's how far gone I was. My mind was slowly forgetting things, my mother's smile was only a distant memory, my father's heart warming laugh was nearly non-existent.

Was this what it felt like to be completely hopeless? To finally come to the realization that no one was going, or even wanted, to save you? If it was, then I wished for the feeling to stop. It was so heart wrenchingly painful, to have nothing to look forward to, have no one to be there to say 'it's alright'.

_Please... I'm sorry..._

_I'm sorry... God, Mom, Dad, everyone..._

_...I'm sorry..._

* * *

"Breath, that's it Fujimoto-san, you can do it."

Hands gripped metal bars as the woman did as the man asked, her sweat drenched face determined as her husband hovered around her. The doctor paid the nervous man no attention as he coached the mother, his eyes scanning the machines monitoring the woman's body for anything alarming.

Minako grunted in pain, her eyes narrowing as another contraction hit her. "Grrr! What's with this baby?!" She yelled pushing with all her might. "Why is the little brat taking so long?!"

The father gave his wife a shaky grin, coming to a stop at her bed. "Now, now Minako that's no way to talk about our son." He put his hand on her shoulder soothingly.

She snarled her dark red hair whipping to the side as she face her husband. "_You_ try to talk sweetly to something that's coming out of your _vagina_!"

Paling the man backed up a few paces, deciding it was safer to give his wife some room.

Smiling cheerfully the doctor made a happy noise when he finally saw the crown of the babies head making it's way out. "I see his head Fujimoto-san," He informed getting ready to catch the baby. "Just one more push."

"Finally!" Minako cheered, grunting slightly as she gave one last push. "Little brat thought he could tire me out, but I showed him!"

The doctor gently grabbed the small being and started to clean the baby accordingly, frowning when the baby stared up at him with wide eyes but didn't make a sound. It was slightly odd, most babies started crying almost immediately because of the shock of being pushed from their warm womb they had been growing in for the past nine months, but it was very rare that they were silent.

"Doctor is my son okay?"

He looked up and gave the worried father a nod. "Yes, everything is perfect. He's just a little quiet that's all." The father visibly relaxed, his brown eyes lighting up with happiness.

Minako accepted the fully wrapped up and clean baby from the doctor, her brash attitude calming slightly as she stared down at the new life she held in her hands. "So you're the brat who has been causing me all these problems." She cooed, her dark eyes staring adoringly down at the wide-eyed baby. "Looks like you took after your grandfather. What do you think Kazuki?"

Kazuki, the father, walked over to look at the baby a soft smile forming on his features. "He certainly has Tou-san's eyes." He replied, his heart soaring as he stared into the familiar dark amber gaze.

The baby simply stared up at them as if he was seeing everything that was happening, Minako frowned slightly and looked up toward the doctor. "He's rather quiet Doctor, is anything wrong with him?"

Slightly unsure the doctor scratched the side of his face. "Like I told your husband there's nothing _wrong, _it just seems that you have a rather silent baby."

Minako hummed, her brows furrowing in thought. "I see..."

It was silent for a moment, and Kazuki shifted slightly as he saw the fire in his wife's eyes, that was never a good sign.

"Well that just means I need to liven him up a little!" She exclaimed making everyone jump. "In fact I think I'm going to name him Tatsuo!"

Kazuki chuckled nervously. "Now, now Minako let's not get hasty..."

She was already to far gone though and didn't seem to hear a word he said. He slumped his shoulders, a smile forming on his face as he listened to his wife shout out to the world how strong and manly her son was going to be. The baby seemed to be shell shocked as he watched the excited woman practically jump up and down on the hospital bed, and Kazuki couldn't help but fondly watch his family.

He really was the luckiest man on earth.

...

...

But his wife must have not noticed that his son inherited her face, her rather girly face that contrasted with her loud personality. Somehow he had a feeling that the two were going to cause a lot of trouble in his life.

Not that he would have wanted anything different.

* * *

Not everyone gets a second chance, and I had less then one percent chance to be chosen for such a thing. Yet, it was undeniable what had happened, that God had given me another chance to right my wrongs. At least that's what I assumed this was, I didn't know what else to call it.

As the woman who was holding me ranted excitedly in some foreign language, I couldn't help but stare at her with wide eyes. Despite having just give birth she looked like she was ready to run a marathon and then some.

But it was a miracle that I had even left that void, that someone up there had pitied me enough that they decided to give _me_ this chance. I wasn't about to assume that I was special, all I could feel was thankful for the opportunity.

I was going to become a better person, this I promised myself.

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**AN:** _Thank you very much for spending your time to read my story, I won't beg for reviews but feed back is always appreciated. I know I'm not the best writer so please don't flame to harshly, I am open to any critiques. Otherwise I hope you enjoyed. :) _


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